By David Coy
Sunrise
In the book “On Grief and Grieving” written by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler in 1969, there was identified five stages of grief for the specific group to which they were serving. Mr. Kessler is noted to have said they “have been very misunderstood over the past four decades.” I have been saying something very much in sync with that sentiment. We discussed last week the idea of denial and how thankfully it is a rare circumstance outside of the normal healthy grief journey. This week, we will look at bargaining. One person has said it is a way for people to hang on to hope. Another says it follows anger very naturally. Still another has said though they are not linear they are the most commonly observed experiences. I have dealt with many people who have worked their way through anger issues of one kind or another and never had an issue with bargaining. I also have never seen someone bargain for a different outcome in a life experience while in sorrow over a dying loved one except where they were told there was no hope for a different outcome, and they did not want to accept the medical judgment. Thus bargaining began when there seemed to be no hope for our preferred outcome for the dying loved one.
In the event that one does experience bargaining, it hopefully will be the goal of those family and friends who are walking with the surviving family members to gently and firmly adhere to reality of the medical evidence concerning the final disposition of the loved one’s illness. Like my mother and my father-in-law both who suffered with cancer there was no preventing the outcome of death. That was their reality, and no amount of bargaining was going to change that outcome. I pray you accept reality whatever the circumstances with courage.
This is Sunrise Aftercare.
