By David Coy
Sunrise
Fear can place a vice grip on a person that will freeze them in their tracks. At the same moment, they may have wild ideas because they are at the beginning of their grief journey and their thinking is cloudy. If we are facing unfamiliar territory in our grief, say we lost a spouse and we have never lived alone before and all decisions we have to make alone, then it can be very scary. Enter fear and anxiety. Often anxiety is created because of fear. Frequently, it occurs when we are in virgin territory in our sorrow. Anxiety may be understood as “to have the thoughts occupied with.” If the majority of our thoughts are occupied with our concern(s) night and day, this is anxiety. With this come the increased thoughts of, “How can I endure?” or “Will I go crazy?” or “Will this never end?” Because our grief journey often feels like a roller-coaster ride we may feel as if we are losing control of our life and everything around us. This may increase feelings of anxiety. As is typical with grief, we experience multiple symptoms at the same time, which can complicate our forward movement toward healing. Add to this our identity confusion which we discussed last week.
How do we resolve this whirlwind in our life? First, what we are feeling is normal. Second, if we do not have a support system in place consisting of family, friends, and others, then we or someone we trust needs to build one. This support needs to involve people who will be there for the mourner(s) whenever they are needed. Third, if there are responsibilities that can be delegated to others so as to relieve stress and anxiety, this needs to be done. This also gives contact with the one experiencing anxiety with others. Fourth, come to grief support group and or private consultation. This will release pressure and provide support.
