By David Coy
Sunrise
One source defines co-dependency as an addiction to people, behaviors or things. It is understood that some people have an emotional vacuum inside themselves so they try to control their surroundings, whether people or things. They further may self medicate with drugs such as alcohol. The co-dependent person may become so enmeshed in the life of the other person that they lose sense of their own identity. They are uncertain of who they are as a unique individual person. At the Minirth-Menier Clinic, they said that people described themselves as the hole in a donut inside where there is something missing deep inside them.
Now, translate this to a couple where one is mourning the loss of the other. If the whole world of one person revolves around the other, then you can imagine when the crushing blow to the other’s self-image one leaves. Who is the surviving member now in this relationship that is no longer? There is a real danger with developing complicated grief if, for example, they can not speak of the partner who is deceased without fresh intense grief experiences arising. Another clue could be a fixation on the spouse who is no longer present, and this fixation consumes the majority of their time and energy night and day. In addition your sorrow intensity never lessons from day to day. In order for this environment to change, we must accept our present reality while also acknowledging we still have a life to live. We have a purpose to fulfill. There are people who still need us to be here, and within that framework, we have a role to fulfill in their lives, perhaps also in the lives of someone we have not noticed who is watching us, seeking to imitate our lives and secretly idolizing us. Do not give up on life; it is not finished with you. If we may serve you in some way, let us do so.
This is Sunrise Aftercare. ~ David
